Dear Teen Me

Dear thirteen year old me.
I’m sorry, but due to circumstances you are not only currently involved in, but will continue to be involved in for the forseeable future, I have blocked most of you out.
I remember bits of us. Some of those memories are constructed, some of them are real. I don’t even know the difference anymore. It all became part of the same narrative. Regardless, you’re there. And that’s really real for you. So first things first.

The glasses. Wear them. You look like an awkward dork, but that’s hormones. The glasses sure don’t help. Continue to turn down your mom’s offer for trifocals. You don’t need them.

You want people to like you, which is normal and natural. It won’t feel normal and natural for many more years. Again, that’s part of the hormones. Everything will feel huge and monumental. Go with that.

You’re about to kiss a girl for the first time. It is going to be a wild ride. It will end quickly and quietly. Keep putting your heart out there, and don’t feel bad that Stephanie, or Jennie, or whatever her name is doesn’t like your handmade bracelet. You won’t even remember her name, but you will remember to care.

The more you grow your hair out, the more you will get mistaken for a girl. While this can be character building, just skip the 70’s phase and go straight for the mohawk. It doesn’t last long, but it’s a damn sight better than looking like an extra from Nelson. I know we’re related to them, but let’s keep that our little secret, eh?

Remember two years ago, when band opened up at school, and you tried out? Remember how you were “a natural” at the trumpet? Remember how pissed you were that you were told you should stick to band, because you’d never play football? Remember how you waited three months, then quit, and tried out for every sport, and played them, poorly? Yeah. Go pick up the trumpet.

This takes us to another topic. You are a teenage boy, and as such, have the attention span of the squirrel I passed on the way home yesterday. He was very very intent on the nut right in the middle of the road, to the obliviousness of everything, including mortal danger. Then he ran. And focused again. And ran. He seemed to forget where he was going about every thirty seconds. You do that same thing, but with people, hobbies, everything. It’s hard, but try to stick to something. Try to find the encouragement from within, rather than some external source. That is going to be one of the hardest tasks of our life, but if you can start it back then, that will really help us in the long run.

Don’t worry, you’ll have friends outside of school. It’s going to happen, and it’s going to be fun. All those friends will care about you. And the ones that don’t, you don’t have to hang around. And that doesn’t mean you’re not worthy, it means they aren’t.

Be nice to your sister. Right now, she is the enemy. But later in life, she will be one of your best friends. She’s had a pretty hard time of it too. She could really use someone on her side, and you could too. Don’t wait till we’re 23 to start to cultivate that. And let her have the upstairs. Trust me on this one.

And for 15 year old me, quit bringing strays home. Mom doesn’t have enough in the pantry to cover all the punk rock kids. I know they’re all “good people”, but they can be good people without being a plague of locusts.